Awards? Well, I am Teacher of the Frickin' Year....

I hate that I haven't done this yet.  I am just so modest and shy.  Accepting an award makes me get all red in the face, and I was just so shocked and surprised that someone thought of me!  I had a rough winter, and let the blogging thing sort of slip through December (when she gave me the award) so now that January is mostly over, I'm posting again and ready to accept the award I so clearly deserve :)

So,

Thank you so much to Mrs. Smythe  from New Adventures in First Grade for giving me the Liebster Blog Award!

The Liebster Award is given to spotlight up-and-coming blogs with less than 200 followers.  

In return, I'm honoring some blogs of my followers, who must be cool people if they like me!

1) Sierra, of Oh, Just Livin' the Dream
    - First off, she worked in Kenya.  How fucking cool is that?  Second, she totally rocks the geek glasses and she's a super cute little fashionista that reminds me of me when I was her age :)


2) Mrs. T, from Teaching for Tomorrow
 - She's a brand new teacher, and reading things from teachers who are fresh and shiny reminds you of the wonderful things you forgot about as the system hardens you.

3) Melissa, at Teaching Fashionista
- She's like, a Pinterest maniac, and has super cute edibles and creatables on her blog.  She looks awesome in a sunhat, too!

4) Wren, of The Gentle House.
- She writes about her 110 year old house.  Her food photos would make Martha Steward cum in her pants! Amazing!


5) Jennifer, at Mrs. White's First Grade
- She does tons of cute projects with her kiddos and posts super sweet photos (I'm not about to do that or they MIGHT just fire me, per the concerns of one of my followers last week!)

Enjoy your awards everyone!  (Just copy and paste the picture of the Liebster into your blog! Then, give it to five more blogs with 200 or less members.)

Keeping yourself Anonymous...

A follower posted last week about her concern for my job, as I post so many details about my work on my blog.  I understand that people have different levels of comfort with how much parents, administrators, and the general public know about them.  I mean, not even a hundred years ago I would have broken practically every rule in the teaching handbook, as seen in the 1915 Rules for Teachers.  I know that my administrators trust my ability to teach, to get kids to meet the standards, and I make my families very happy (yes, it takes some bribery, but they are happy!) I also know the value of anonymity.

We're in the middle of snowstorm season around here, and with two feet of snow on the ground, and the power out in much of the county- school was canceled yesterday! Hooray! Then, they canceled school today! Double-Hooray!  As you know, I love my job, I love teaching, and I love students.  But I love days off more.

So, what do you do on a snow day?  You make hot toddies, get drunk and make naked snow angels! (I'm kidding about the naked snow angels!)

I wish that had been my day.  It was actually a lot worse. So, yesterday  I put on my boots, hat, fleece everything, scarf, coat, and gloves.  I put matching doggie parkas on Screwy and Chewy and took them out for a walk.  I was slomping along my front walk in the deep, deep snow, with the dogs hopping along and sniffing around, and I was trying to keep my hot toddy from slipping out of my gloved hands and into the snow.  That would be such a waste of good whiskey.

Then, I turned my head and see three of my little nose-pickers flying down the hill on sleds.  They slid to a stop near my feet. "Ms. Kaplan! Ms. Kaplan!" Snot running down their chins, they hugged me, getting mucus all over my very expensive DKNY down jacket. "You live here!?!" they cried in disbelief.

The kids were so happy to see me. Fortunately, my scarf hid my grimace. All I wanted was to let the dogs shit and pee quickly so I could get back into the warmth of my home.

"Watch us sled! Watch us sled!" My toes froze as I watched them hike the nearby hill and slide down again.

"You are awesome sledders" I told them, wishing they'd climb back up that hill and not come back, "My doggies need to go on their walk now.  Bye-bye."

"Can we help?" They asked, in innocent joy. "Sure." Sip-sip-sip. I was careful not to let my hot toddy spill as I handed the leashes over to the kids.  We walked and talked, and they made guesses as to when we'd be back in school, and if we'd still have a math test on Friday. I did my usual response, "maybe" which keeps their critical thinking skills in check.

We rounded the block back to my house, and I told them their moms and dads are probably wondering where they are, so they better hurry home.  With laughter and giggles, they tromped off through the snow, back to their homes.  What lovely little children. It's sure good to be loved.

Early this morning, I'm waiting for the school closure report come in and it dawns on me. THEY KNOW WHERE I LIVE!  This is my number one teaching rule. NEVER LET THEM KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE! Immediately, I jump on craigslist and start perusing the rental properties, because I realize I will only be able to stay here so long before the damage occurs. I'm totally immersed in my search, and falling in love with a cottage style house about six miles away when...

Bzzzz.... I hear my doorbell.  Whatthefuck? Who would be ringing my doorbell at 8:00 in the morning? Chewy and Screwy start going crazy, yelping at the door.  I'm nearly naked, so I throw on my robe, and get to the door.

Standing before me, clad in head to toe snow gear are my three little rodents.

"Hi Ms. Kaplan! Can we play with your doggies?" Ohshitohshitohshit!   This is the clincher. Do I say yes and let them in, or send the dogs out? Do I say no and sound like a bitch?  Letting them in my house is a very bad idea (do you remember the stories they told in your Educational Law class?) Sending the dogs out seems like a bad idea, considering their pension for humping and nipping at people.

"I wish I could, but we're staying in for awhile. It's cold and I'm not ready to go outside."

"Okay! Bye Ms. Kaplan! We love you! See you later!"

"By kiddos."

I closed the door and sunk down to the floor.  The worst thing possible has happened.  I no longer have anonymity.  There is no sanctity in my home.  I can no longer have sex in the backyard.  I can no longer have margarita parties on the lawn.  Forever more, three little shitheads will be coming by, bringing me flowers they pick, trying to sell me cookies, or wrapping paper, or asking me to buy lemonade from their stands.

I've contacted the owner of that cottage.  We're moving at the end of the month!

Gifted, My Ass

In our district, now is the time applications need to be submitted for our GATE program. Since ALL my parents think their children are gifted and talented, this means I have a giant stack of teacher recommendations to fill out before Friday.

Parents are able to submit their own recommendations for their child.  This means, once one parent proclaims their child will be testing for GATE, all the other moms in the parking lot join in on GATE-Fest 2012. No one wants to be left out.  You'd think that no news is better than bad news, but apparently everyone is so self-assured about their child's brilliance that the thought that they may not be in the top 5% of all the students in our district hasn't crossed their minds.

Now, let me just profile a couple of my wonderful little nose-pickers for you.  You can help me fill out my forms. (Believe me, I need the help!)

Number 18.  A darling pudge-ball... comes in every morning needing a reminder of our morning routine (unpack your backpack, make a lunch choice, finish your math minute, shop for a book for your book bag if time.) Every day, every step of the way, Number 18 needs to ask, "whatdoIdonow?" in a loud, shrieky sort of voice.

So, our form asks the following to be ranked somewhere between very rarely and very often:

Memory and Knowledge: Remembers, integrates, retains information or skills
Fast Learner: Grasps and performs sophisticated concepts and tasks quickly and easily


Even if unpacking your backpack were a sophisticated task, I can't say that Number 18 does this quickly or easily.  In fact, Number 18 still walks into last year's classroom instead of mine at least once a week.

Number 3.  My complainer.  He complains about every task, every lesson, every book, every challenge problem, group project, or craft. He has "nothing to write about" "can't draw" and "hates books." He also wears the same socks day in and out and has a habit of slipping off his Merrils and rubbing his feet on other kids during our read aloud.  Of course, his parents attribute his complaining to boredom, an obvious sign that he is far too gifted to be in a regular second grade.

So, on the form I have to explain how he rates in the following:

Motivation: Intense desire to know, create, do, feel or understand
Interests: Passionate interests, including unusual or short-lived interests

I've had gifted second graders before.  I had a boy who could name and identify every mushroom, and was part of our local mycological society. He was written about in the newspaper and was auditing an adult education course at our university!

I had a girl who wrote a science fiction "novel" over the course of the year during our daily free writing time, with phrases in it like, "These are the days of darkness, when the crystal sky aches for new stars, and our dying moon slips in and out of its phases with hunger pangs that can't be satisfied with even the heartiest of meals."  A second grader!

I had a second grade boy once who "played" with his brother's sixth grade algebra book at home, and did his brother's homework each night for "fun" in addition to our own.

Those children were gifted- well beyond gifted! They were brilliant.  I understand that there is a difference between being a genius and being gifted and talented... but just as far as that chasm is, so is the difference between being totally typical, or below average and qualifying for GATE.

I am interested to see what happens to my little Number 18 and Number 3.  I am interested to see those who are above and below those two.  Right now, though, after working on most of my stack of recommendations tonight, I am ready for a big huge vodka tonic! Drink the pain away!